Thursday, 25 July 2013

Separation Anxiety: A Mother's Tale

We're off to Cambridge this weekend for a wedding, and we're leaving Busby overnight for the first time in her existence on this earth. My Mutti will be moving in for the weekend, and I know they'll both be fine with the situation.

But I'm not sure I will be.
Yesterday was the first time I left Busby alone with anyone other than Nick in a long time. As I said goodbye I shut the door, and my heart physically ached. I wanted to cry.

I missed her.

Even though she was only on the other side of the door, I missed her.

As this weekend approaches I have mixed feelings; on the one hand I cannot wait to spend the weekend away with Nick, to stay in a hotel (a rather fancy hotel at that), to have a whole night of sleep, and perhaps, dare I say it, a lie in?! Adult conversation, a lovely glass of fizz (or two), and a silly boogie with my best friend...

However, the other side of me is dreadfully worried: How will Busby cope without me? How will I cope without her? Will I spend the entire weekend texting my Mutti to see how she's doing? What if her tummy plays up and only my cuddles will soothe her? What if something awful happens to her? What if something awful happens to us?

In truth, I don't want to leave her. But I know I have to. I know I have to start "letting her go" to a certain extent. My role isn't to control her, to smother her, it's to help her grow into a beautiful, kind human-being.

But it's hard.

Jolly hard.
Hannah


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10 comments:

  1. Hard indeed! I think any Mum feels that pang of guilt and heartache-despite really needed a well deserved night off. Hope you manage to have fun at the wedding without worrying too much :) xx

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  2. I have nothing helpful to say but am sending you a big hug. I hope you enjoy yourself and hopefully there will keep your mind away from worrying.
    The first time I left the boys was at Britmums, and although they were with my husband I still worried because he's never had to get up in the night with them, but I found there was enough going on to keep me occupied and to keep my mind off the worrying. xx

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    1. Thank you for the hug!

      There was soo much at BritMums to keep you occupied :) xx

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  3. I havent left Rio for the night yet, nor do i intend to anytime soon..ive only just stopped crying when he goes to my inlaws for a few hours with my OH never mind leaving him their without him. Some people can, and hats off to them..but i just cant. Im sure there will come a time when he's begging to stay over at a friends house though and i will have to give in ;)

    You'll be fine, have a great time & enjoy it! xx

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    1. Haha I love that you've written that and then said "you'll be fine" :P Fingers crossed xx

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  4. Awww it sounds like it will be tough, but I guess keep focusing on the positives, the hotel, the fun times! It'll fly by and you will be back in no time. Your mother raised you well, so Busby will be in more than capable hands for the weekend :) She might even enjoy the company of another for a short time but will miss you too I'm sure! Have a good time, hope it goes well

    Lyndsay xx | Fizzy Peaches ♡

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    1. Thank you lovely :) Yes I'm sure she'll be fine! xx

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  5. I really feel for you, the first time is by far the hardest. But it does get easier, although you still worry about them. Hope you are able to relax and enjoy the wedding x

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